Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
