I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My bed smells like the plague
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
