just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
