I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
