sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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