I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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