Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
