'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
