so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
