just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize