in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
