You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
