I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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