We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
