You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
