I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize