if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I believe in your delicious
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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