he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
