You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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