Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize