If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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