11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Randomize
