dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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