Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
