I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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