My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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