morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
