i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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