i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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