she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
