He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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