I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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