I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
