We won't sleep together?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
