Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
