I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
