return my video game
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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