You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
