How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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