I love black thongs
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
