I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I sprained my soul last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
