if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
