Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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