what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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