I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
