i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
