I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
