Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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