Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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