Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
