hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
