Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
