I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
