new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
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