Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
