people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
