he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
