Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.

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(989): View more from Michigan

Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn

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(440): View more from Ohio

I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.

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(907): View more from Alaska

we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.

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