Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
