So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
