theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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