is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
