You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
