I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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