new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
