well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize