I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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