i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
