I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
