i will never coherently bang her
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
